she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
