I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Randomize
