awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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