I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
