then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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