And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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