I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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