and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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