Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
