I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
