if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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