i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
