You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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