he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
