She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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