i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
