ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
