i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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