I wish my penis had an off switch
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
