there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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