I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
