Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
its not stalking. its research.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
