the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
