I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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