Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
