Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
