I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
