And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
