well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You made out with two different species that night
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
