Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
