after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
