The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
