I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
