CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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