There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
