OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
