So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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