You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
