This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
