cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
