I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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