btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
