is your mom at the bar?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
