Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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