all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
