haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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