Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
