If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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