I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
