I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
