I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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